Archive for the ‘About Jason’ Category
Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Jason
——————ABOUT THIS YEAR——————
I can’t remember. I think I might have killed those brain cells over the past year.
What was your status by Valentine’s Day?:
Still alive.
Were you in school (anytime this year)?:
I was but apparently it was weird for the kids so I had to leave and not get within 500 feet of them anymore.
How did you earn your keep?:
Lovin’
Did you ever have to go to the hospital?:
I didn’t have to, but it was better that way.
Have you ever encountered the police?:
I see them occasionally but I wouldn’t call it an “encounter.” That sounds dirty.
Where did you go on vacation?:
My backyard behind the garage. It’s nice this time of year.
What did you purchase that was over $500?:
A piece of toast on Ebay that doesn’t look like the Virgin marry. I didn’t believe it until I saw it. It really doesn’t look like her. Money well spent.
Did you know anybody who got married?:
I still know them.
Have you run into anybody you graduated high school with?:
2 with my car and 1 with a truck.
Did you move anywhere?:
No, I’ve been sitting right here all year…
What sporting events did you go to?:
I actually participated in an all nude Pok-A-Tok tournament.
What concerts did you go to?:
Disney on Ice and Sesame Street Live rocked. The Wiggles worked it.
Are you registered to vote?:
Yes. Under three names in five countries.
If so, did you do your patriotic duty on Nov. 7?:
I do my duty whenever I need to.
Where do you live now?:
I’d rather not say. But if you’re on the 290/I35 overpass give a shout out.
Describe your birthday.:
At first everything was dark and damp. I was confused but I heard voices and followed the light. Someone hit me so I cried. I felt battered and dirty. Later, I slept.
What’s the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2006?:
I’m doing it right now.
What is one thing you regretted this year?:
I’m doing it right now.
What’s something you learned about yourself?:
Self love is the best love of all.
Any new additions to your family?:
I added three new voices to my head, a weird growth in my abdomen and a growing fetus to my wife.
What was your best month?:
I don’t want to pick one since December hasn’t had an equal chance yet.
What from pop culture will you remember 2006 by?:
Coming to the realization that Britney and Kevin actually did do the dirty deed…at least twice.
——————FACTS ABOUT ME——————
Ever been so drunk you blacked out?:
Missed school because it was raining?:
I’ve missed school because there was air.
Put a body part on fire for amusement?:
Who would do such a thing? Now branding with a red hot poker…that’s a different story…
Been hurt emotionally?:
I cried when Bambi’s mom died…and Old Yeller…and Ana has scarred me, emotionally.
Kept a secret from everyone?:
If I tell you I have a secret would it still be a secret?
Had an imaginary friend?:
I AM an imaginary friend.
Wanted to hook up with a friend?:
I wanted to run a three legged race one time.
Had a crush on a teacher?:
Yeah, but she made me get off of her.
Ever thought an animated character was hot?:
Marge Simpson turns me on, but she’s married. Does Smurfette count?
Ever owned a New Kids on the Block tape?
Tape, CD, Book, Video, DVD, Sheets, Pajamas, Posters, Underwear…
Been on stage?:
The world is a stage.
Cut your own hair?:
Does shaving your legs count?
Name someone with the same birthday as you:
Using the law of averages there are approximately 16,438,356 people worldwide who share the same birthday as I do. I do not know all of them. Try Google.
Last thing you ate:
It tasted like chicken.
For or against same sex marriage:
I think sex should be different from time to time.
Are you homophobic:
Am I scared of gay people? No, they hit like girls. This question is so gay.
How many U.S states have you been to:
How many are there? Do any of them matter if they’re not
How many of the U.S states have you lived in:
I live in
Ever lived outside of the
Why would you ever want to leave
Name something you like physically about yourself:
You know.
Something non-physical you like about yourself:
I like the way I make me smile.
What is your dad’s name:
Dad, Daddy, Big Daddy, Pop, Papa, Big Papa, Old Man
If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go:
Again, why would you ever want to leave
Do you download music:
Yes. Especially German polka. Those guys crack me up.
What illegal things have you done:
What are you, a narc?
Where would you want to go on a first date:
I’m guessing it would have to be somewhere where my wife wouldn’t find me.
Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally:
I once had a hobo sing to me while he played with himself. Does that count?
Have you ever cried for no reason:
I’m crying right now, but I think I’m sad for the hobo.
Do you like Bush:
Yes. Wait. The President? Yes.
Have you ever bungee jumped:
Once. It was an accident. Long story.
Have you ever white-water rafted:
I used to have to get to school like that. Three miles of rapids and we didn’t have any shoes.
Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you:
How old is Jesse Jackson?
Last person you hugged:
Me. I’m full of self love.
Have you met a real redneck:
I am a real redneck. At least I have a real red neck.
Do you wear contacts:
I used to but I found it was easier to put them in my Outlook calendar.
Where was the last place you went besides your house:
My special happy place.
What are you afraid of:
Oompa-Loompas. They’re small and weird looking.
What makes you sad:
Oompa-Loompas. They’re small and weird looking.
How many pets do u have:
Just one. My Precious.
Have you ever loved someone:
I’m loving someone now.
What really turns you on:
You’re a pervert aren’t you. Is this Shirley?
What do you usually order from Starbucks:
Triple Skinny, 2/3 decaf, half chocolate, no whip, grande mocha, with extra foam. To go.
Have you ever fired a gun:
Yes. Now ask me if I’ve ever fired a gun at someone.
Are you missing someone:
You want me to say I miss you, don’t you? I’m not going to do it. Okay, who am I kidding? I miss you. There, I’ve said it.
Do you have an iPod:
I have a spacepod. Does that count?
Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity:
Yes, but I didn’t know Britney Spears owned this pair of pants.
What’s your mom’s name:
Mom, Mommy, Mamma, Sexy Lady…wait, scratch that last one…
Who would you like to see right now:
The ghost of Elvis.
Favorite band of all time (only ONE):
You’re such a bully. Only one? I refuse.
Dogs or cats:
Believe it or not, they taste pretty much the same. Kind of like owl.
Have you ever been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to be doing:
Can you see me right now? Okay, I’ll stop.
Favorite flower:
That one that’s really pretty and smells nice. You know.
Butter, plain, or salted popcorn:
Why can’t I have all three? How poor do you think I am?
What books are you reading:
I can’t remember. Whatever’s in the bathroom.
Have you ever ridden in a limo:
No, but I once got a piggyback ride from an albino in
Has anyone you were really close to passed away:
Jesus. But we really became close AFTER he passed away…
Do you watch MTV:
Why would I watch a channel devoted to mechanics?
What’s something that really bugs you:
The thought of starving people in Africa who are starving but still find the time to have sex and have babies while living in tents and watching everyone around them die of starvation and disease. Those people must be the easiest to be aroused people in the world. “Uh look, a spoonful of rice gruel! That’s sexy. Let’s do it!”
What are some things you really like doing:
Playing with GI Joe’s in the bathtub, underwater basket weaving, and finding new ways to make dinner with only three ingredients and no heat above 120 degrees.
Do you think that you have been successful in life:
Sheesh man, I’m only 32. I still have time.
Can you dance:
Like the wind blows.
What’s the latest you have ever stayed out:
Stayed out of what?
Last time you went bowling:
Oh, I’m sorry. Was I supposed to mark that in my calendar? How the heck should I know?
——————FAVORITES——————
Shampoo?:
My own mixture of cow fat, goat’s milk and honey.
Soap?:
See above
Perfume?:
I never drink the stuff.
Day/Night?:
I’m split 50/50 on this one.
Summer/Winter/Fall/Spring?:
I live in
Fave cartoon Characters?:
It was Snow White until she started hanging out with those damn dwarves.
Fave Advertisement?:
It’s the one where they have that product that does, you know, where that guy is talking and then there’s this thing, what’s it called, you know, where there’s music in the background and it’s really funny…that one.
Fave Ice Cream?:
I love them all equally.
Favorite cereal?:
Well, I’m coocoo for Cocoa Puffs but Frosted Flakes are grreeeeaaaaaaat!
Fave Subject?:
I like talking about myself…or the possibility that aliens visited our planet and planted the seeds that would evolve into life as we know it and then come back periodically to investigate their creation and sometimes abduct people for fiendish experiments…that’s fun.
Favorite holiday?:
National Day For Jason. It hasn’t really caught on with the masses yet…
Fave ‘normal’ apple juice?:
I only drink ‘abnormal’ apple juice. What?!?!?!
Fave state to be in:
I can’t decide between denial and confusion.
Fave Persons to talk to online?:
He says his name is Shirley, but I don’t know if I believe that. He sounds more like a Ginger.
—————–RIGHT NOW——————
Wearing?:
A faux fur cap and a robe…nothing else.
Hair is?:
As hair does…?
Eating?:
I’m chewing on my lip.
Drinking?:
No thanks, I’ve had enough for one night.
Thinking about?:
Why you want to know what I’m wearing.
Listening to:
The voices in my head.
Talkin 2:
The one called “Cletus” who thinks computers control the world and Michael Jordan is a cyborg.
——— THE LAST 24 HRS——-
Cried?:
I don’t think so, but there IS a tear in my beer…
Worn a skirt?:
Well, actually…never mind.
Met someone?:
No, but I think Cletus made a new friend.
Cleaned your room?:
Why is this a question?
Drove a car?:
Yeah, while I was cleaning my room…
——–DO YOU BELIEVE IN————–
God?:
Big Daddy? You bet. Jesus is my homeboy!
Yourself?:
I think, therefore I am.
Your friends?:
Just the imaginary ones.
Santa Claus?:
AKA Old Dirty Bastard? Yes.
Tooth Fairy?:
That sucker still owes me five bucks.
Destiny/Fate?:
What if my fate is to not believe in destiny?
Angels?:
Not really. I will if they win the world series next year.
ghosts?:
I don’t believe in people who believe in ghosts.
UFO’s?:
Do I believe in unidentified flying objects? Well, I suppose if you can’t identify it, but it’s there then I guess it’d be crazy of me to not believe that it’s really there even though we can’t identify it…
——FRIENDS AND LIFE———
Who have u known the longest of your friends:?
Can I count Indiana Jones?
Who’s the shyest?:
What’s his name. You know, the one that doesn’t talk very much.
Who’s the weirdest?:
That goofy one with the strange haircut and the piercings.
Who do you go to for advice?:
My therapist says I shouldn’t discuss this.
Who do you cry to?:
My friend, Mr. Keystone.
Worst Feeling?:
A pair or pliers twisting my scrotum as fire ants sting the inside of my nose.
Who will respond to this questionnaire the fastest?:
The guy from the CIA who screens my emails and listens in on my phone calls. Wassup Steve!!
Who did you send this to who won’t reply?:
Osama Bin Laden. But I’m not sure I have his correct address.
Do you want all your friends to do this and send it back to you?: