A Real Family Can Carry the Burden

No burden too heavy for family
By Betsy Hart
Jewish World Review
August 13, 2009

… As Nancy Gibbs notes in a recent Time magazine essay, “Already in Oregon, one-third of those who chose assisted suicide last year cited the burden on their families and caregivers as a reason.”

Gibbs was commenting on the recent joint suicide of renowned conductor Sir Edward Downes and his wife. Both elderly, he was healthy while she was terminally ill. Together they went to Switzerland where they paid a clinic to legally help them commit suicide. Their adult children were with them.

They didn’t want to suffer, or be a burden to others. Apparently, that’s too heavy a load.

There are all kinds of reasons to not artificially prolong life. But I hope I never get into a situation where I want to artificially limit my life so that I’m not a burden to loved ones.

When you think about it, we are all “terminal.” Along the way, allowing each other to bear our burdens is one thing that separates us from animals. To let a loved one care for me might be the very thing that leads to greater compassion or less selfishness in him. And I might have to get over my pride in not “needing help.” To accept that I really am dependent on others. So my suffering could be a gift to both of us.

Conversely, I want to be open to receiving that gift from another.

…I am not minimizing the very real sacrifices and burden that caregivers often experience.

But I am convinced there is a growing mindset in our culture that genuine suffering has no value. That it must be avoided, even at the cost of life itself.

Well, I think that’s selfish. So, memo to kids and family: I’m not checking out early just to avoid being a burden to you. And I sure don’t want you doing that for me.